That's a Mustard Seed?

Humor In Chaos

Searching for Joy Series

That's a Mustard Seed?

When I was at my height of pain from Lupus, my middle child was going through Confirmation. He came home one evening from his religious studies and asked me, “Mom, what if your pain is about redemptive suffering?” Oh, Heavens! That is a much bigger concept than I can fully comprehend. I have no idea why I’ve been given this disease. And anyone who attempts to explain it to me, I know they don’t really know either. It just is. I don’t need an explanation. I need to trust Him.

Pain has been a challenging teacher. It’s taught me that ultimately I’m not in control of anything. I can only accept what is and do the best I can. That’s not a call to give up. No. God gave us doctors and medicines. We shouldn’t squander such gifts. At the same time, life happens.

It's one thing to suffer through a bad cold. It’s another to have an incurable condition while trying to live with faith in Christ. Faith the size of a mustard seed is heavier than my brain can comprehend. But that’s exactly what we are called to do. We are called to hear it, work to understand it, and put it to use.

On the very day I was diagnosed with Lupus, I was on the way to remission. But I didn’t know it. God knew it. I didn’t. It was in my future. I was not in any position to see it at the time. After all, I was barely diagnosed. Treatment hadn’t even started.

More than that, I am currently on the path to full healing, even as my symptoms are worsening again. I have no idea if it’s going to come while I am still alive on this earth, or if it’s going to come when I pass out of this life. That doesn’t matter. The faith I have now is that I know I’m on that path. I have to keep the faith to stay on course. That is the faith of a mustard seed – to stay in line with God and His plans for me. If I do that, the best is yet to come.

When my son asked me about redemptive suffering, I know I had faith, but did I have the faith of a mustard seed?

A mustard seed is about one tenth of an inch. About two and a half millimeters. That’s tiny. I’ve seen mustard seeds. Great seasoning in lots of foods. I’ve never really looked at a mustard tree before. Until now. I looked it up online. A mustard tree can grow to be anywhere between six feet and thirty feet in height depending on the variety. That itty bitty teeny tiny seed can grow to thirty feet in height. That’s a miracle.

Most seeds are much larger. There are other very small seeds as well. I didn’t understand how special the mustard seed was until I looked it up. Other seeds do not produce the grandeur of a mustard seed. It not only has the potential to grow remarkably tall, but it also spreads its branches and leaves way out, as far to its sides as its root system below ground. It has the potential to create shade, create a food source or at least add flavor to food, and can be the basis of an entire ecosystem for birds and other animals. That tiny seed can spring forth into life of its own, as it works to sustain other life.

That tiny seed has heavy potential. That’s why the analogy Jesus used about having the faith of a mustard seed isn’t something to be glossed over, especially in dealing with trials and tribulations. I needed to learn that because it wasn’t all about me. It was about my marriage, my children and grandchildren, my friends and extended family, and everyone who reads this.

Redemptive suffering. Take it to the Cross. Offer it up to God. Give it to Jesus. Embrace the pain. All these platitudes do have meaning.  

I was doing all of that. I was giving it all to Jesus. I was taking it to the Cross. I was in constant prayer.

When I was in high pain, I was propelled to write about my experiences and share them. Why? I already said to help others get educated about the experience. There was more. More, that I wasn’t open to Christ enough to see.

We have examples of redemptive suffering in all the Christian churches. Specifically, we have St. Paul and Jesus Christ Himself. We have it in people around us who suffer with joy and humility. I wish I was that strong in character.

What does joy have to do with redemptive suffering? Everything.

Suffering is a catalyst for great change when embraced, and a tool for God to turn us in the direction He wants us to go when we aren’t listening to Him - after His attempts to direct us that are less abrasive because He doesn’t want us to suffer, He will allow more drastic pains to open our eyes and ears to Him.

God is a loving, benevolent, kind, faithful being who wants us to live in the joy of His existence. That is what He wants for us not only in heaven but on earth as well. We are the ones who screw it up. If we can learn from each other from either observation or direct experience so we can divert suffering or find relief from it, good.

Wisdom comes from experience. It can be either direct or indirect experience. Walk it ourselves or learn from another’s experience. I didn’t realize when I was writing all those articles that was what I was doing. I kind of did, but not entirely. It took until the divorce was in process that I finally got that.

We cannot fully comprehend the benefits of joy without the wisdoms from the alternatives. Just like we can’t feel warmth without feeling cold, we can’t feel satisfaction to the fullest without the pangs of deep hunger, we cannot understand the realities of joy in our daily lives without embracing the lessons from pain.

I am not saying don’t try to get healing and relief in healthy ways. Of course, we should all strive for healing from whatever pains us. God does want us to enjoy life. I am suggesting to not run in fear from it like I did. Running is a waste of time and energy.

Pain was my only real fear for most of my life. Not public speaking like most people. Not death itself. I’m fine with heading onto the next level of existence when God decides it’s my time. Pain was my deep fear. I used to pray for God to not force me to live in pain. Guess what? Pain is now a constant companion. I pray every day it decides to pack up and leave for good. If it doesn’t, okay. I have learned much from it. Actually, I am grateful for it now. It has taught me a lot about Him, myself, and people around me. It’s true that you know who your friends are when you endure pain. Pain reveals character in the self and others around.

That being said, how am I able to look back at my marriage and still love my ex-husband even though he shattered me to my core? Because the pain of being without him now gives me a whole new perspective of the good times we did have together. I took our marriage for granted. My ex took it away. God showed me the path to appreciation and gratitude for what was, both the good and the bad times. What was our marriage, now lights my way to tomorrow. There is so much joy today in looking ahead even though the pain of our failed marriage is real.

The divorce does not have to be a weight around my neck. It can be the springboard from which I live a life of joy. I choose that.

Where is the redemptive suffering from this experience of mine? That those around me, family and friends, and even strangers here, have the opportunity to embrace the same wisdom and divert their paths away from the same suffering with deep gratitude and joy.

My suggestion for your suffering? Take it. Accept it. Embrace it. Turn it around and give it to God at the foot of the Cross. Pray for others in it. Don’t fight it. Allow it to change your life.

Faith. The size of a mustard seed. That’s all it takes.

Thanks for reading! Stay tuned for more!

Sarah

Humor In Chaos

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