As the final bits of the Thanksgiving turkey and pumpkin pie are being consumed into bloated tummies, Christmas lights wind their way around every tree and fireplace mantle around. For many, the giddiness of the holiday season is too much to contain. For others, the reminders of what's lost can be too much to bear.
I returned home from an entire week plus of Thanksgiving dinners and card games with new friends and headed straight into Winter Wonderland in this new city of mine I call home. I happily blared the holiday music as I marveled at the flashing displays. A blowup Santa greeted me not far from my door. Four years post separation, over one year post divorce, and my first Christmas season as an empty nester, I determined that this year was going to be joyous.
Just as I thought that, on came Nat King Cole on my YouTube Christmas music selection reminding me of our family Christmas tree year after year for decades. The kids' Christmas gifts snuggled in underneath. The gorgeous fireplace of the home my ex and I built together years ago, the home that was supposed to be the home base for our kids and generations to come, is probably decorated now with some other family's decorations. Life happened. The house is no longer ours, and all those dreams belong to those strangers.
Traumas such as severe chronic illness, divorce, crimes, etc. can steal from us. They steal dreams and can replace memories with emotional triggers. It doesn't have to stay that way. There are ways to heal and manage those triggers.
How did I deal with the triggers I experienced over these past few years?
I acknowledged and accepted it. I gave myself permission to sit down and feel the feelings I was experiencing. I allowed myself to grieve what was lost and who I missed.
I let myself cry. Crying is not weakness. Crying is cleansing, so long as I don't move into the realm of wallowing. It's good for the soul. It helps create a space for proper perspective.
I practiced some gratitude. I reminded myself of the good memories of all the previous years where there was at least one good memory with my children, grandchildren, or from way back in my childhood with my family of origin, even years with my now ex. Like the time that Santa showed up at 2am when I was in the first grade. That was fun! Or, the year my ex, then my boyfriend, gave me the fake Christmas tree that was our family tree for decades until it started falling apart. Taking the time to remember happy events reminds me that happy events can and will happen in the future.
When it was time after working hard on my healing and growth, I took responsibility for my contribution in the painful events in my life and in the lives of those I hold dear. As hard as this can be to do, in the end, it's freeing. It gives others around me a stronger platform for their own healing, especially for my children. We can contribute to each other's growth when we are intentional and honest with each other.
Today, I'm facing the holiday head on. I'm decorating for Christmas and continuing to make plans for the entire holiday season and beyond. Plans can include family time, events, or even things to do alone such as projects or a stack of books to read. A close friend of mine who is recently divorced joined a bridge club that meets a couple of times a week. Another close family member has travel plans a couple of months after the holiday season is over. Having things on the calendar keeps a forward focus.
I keep moving forward. Running from problems, material or mental, helps no one and helps nothing. Finding the strength to keep going does more to change the world than most realize. It's only in looking behind that progress is recognizable. Tiny steps, two steps forward and three steps back, zero progress with brief moments of small leaps, all of these things are forward progress no matter how small the step.
I do what I can do today. I embrace yesterday, the good and the bad. I embrace myself today, the good and the bad. I embrace the concept that there is hope for a joyful tomorrow. I give myself a break. I've been through a lot. That's okay. I recognize that I am a person of value who deserves the love of family and friends. And, I recognize that I have lots of love to give to them.
While it is true that tomorrow is promised to no one, it's also true that tomorrow is an opportunity. Who knows what the holiday season next year will look like? At any moment, rounding that corner just ahead might lead to something beautiful. Keep moving forward. Keep rounding corners.
What plans are you making for yourself this holiday season?
Thanks for reading!
Sarah
Humor In Chaos
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!
#HumorInChaos #NextSteps #NextStepswithSarah #journaling #personalgrowth #personaldevelopment #healingjourneys #healing #keepingadiary #journalversusdiary #lifecoaching #powerofketchup #shatteredcrystal #betweenlayers #coaching #blogging #Christmas #whenholidaysarenotsomerry #merrychristmas #happyholidays #holidayblues #holidaysaftertrauma #ptsd #holidayspostdivorce #christmasafterdivorce #emptynesterchristmas #greydivorcechristmas #startingoverafterfifty #findingjoyagain #itispossible
Comentários